Quotes from the Riley Household, overheard during 2011

It's harder to write down and share quotes now that all the children are older and don't want me writing down things they say that I think are funny...  so some of the quotes below are anonymous

Josh: "The bigger the ego, the bigger the shame. Twice the pride, double the fall, in other words. That's why I keep a low profile."


Isaac teaches us great life lessons.　 When someone felt like a failure, he announced:　 "'Loser' is a CHOICE.　 It's not genetic."

It was so hot in Texas, I cut Josh’s long sleeves off of his cub scout shirt and hemmed short sleeves. But when he came home too hot from den meeting one day, he complained that his shirt is hotter than the other boys’ because “it’s two-ply.” I laughed and said that the phrase “2-ply” is only used to describe toilet paper. A few weeks later, Josh was ironing Dad’s shirts when he started calling for me so loudly and anxiously that I thought he must have burned himself. But it turns out he was ecstatically wanting to show me the tag on Dad’s white shirt, which said “Two-ply oxford”. He was so thrilled to prove himself right!!

Madi and Eliza were saying I should start subbing at the school here. Madi's encouragement made me raise my eyebrows: "You could use your brains for more than just seducing your husband."

One day I heard Josh telling his friend: "I wasn't bred for singing. Or running. I was bred for READING."

A Teenager sometimes says rude things to family members but tries to “soften” them by ending with a cheerful, “But not in a bad way.” (I.e. ‘you’re such a jerk. But not in a bad way.”)

When Isaac started writing a list of 5 girls he wanted to take on dates, I was giving my “preferences” when the girls jumped in to give their 2 cents. Then when Lyrad walked into the room, I asked Lyrad who HE suggested for Isaac’s list. Isaac rolled his eyes and complained, “My romantic life is NOT a democracy!”

Isaac had a great seminary teacher and they enjoyed joking with each other. For example: as Isaac walked into class one day, the teacher said, "Isaac, what hymn number is 'If I Could Hie to Kolob?'" Isaac immediately said the correct number. The teacher laughed and asked, "Do you stay home from football games to study the hymn book?" And Isaac responded, "I just take my hymn book to the football game and study it there." 

When Josh and I were reading Howard Pyle's Robin Hood together, we picked up some new ways of speaking. Once while reading it together, Josh and I heard the doorbell ring. Josh looked at me and announced, "It seems like thou shalt get the door, quoth merry Joshua."

Isaac was not happy about the huge lace collar he had to wear for one of his Les Mis costumes. The next morning after telling us about The Collar, Isaac covered his apple crisp with Reddi Whip. When a sister said, “Look at Isaac’s plate!” and we all saw the 4 inch high mound of cream, Isaac said drily, “If I have to WEAR a lace collar, I might as well EAT one, too.”

When I was telling Josh I didn’t want him to go to Les Mis for 3 nights in a row because he’s still kind of young, Rachel let me know that when she was 7 and went to Les Mis in Germany several times, that is where she LEARNED bad words, because every time I told her to cover her ears she realized those were bad words. She said if I hadn’t made such a big deal about the bad words, she would’ve never known that they were bad words!

I read a great parenting book and had been going through it again, taking notes from it. But one day I couldn't remember where I'd left the book so I asked Joshua as I looked around the family room, "Have you seen my book of 25 Mistakes Parents Make?" Josh didn't miss a beat and replied, "Uh -- number one: Losing Things."

Josh was so anxious to leave on the father-son campout, as he waited for Lyrad to get home work.
"I just feel like doing something CRAZY," he announced.
"Like badminton?" I asked, because we played a few days ago and I want him to help me set up the net again.
"No, not something domestically crazy. Something like jumping into a freezing lake."
(I'd never heard the phrase, "domestically crazy" before; I guess it describes the life of a mother?)

When the missionaries were over for dinner, they gave us a spiritual thought beforehand. They asked some of the kids to tell their favorite scripture verse. When they asked Rachel, she answered, "Genesis 39, where Jacob works 7 years for Rachel." (She has those verses as her "wallpaper" on her itouch.) They weren't sure why that was her favorite, until we told them that her name was Rachel. Isaac said, "Now all we need is to find a Jacob." Then he turned to the missionaries and asked if either of them was named Jacob. One of the elders looked embarrassed and replied that his name was actually Jacob. It was silent for a few seconds as we stared in amazement at the coincidence, until the missionary said, "This is awkward," and we all laughed.

Josh is really proud of the fact that he was born in Guam. "PLEASE can I check "white" and "Pacific islander"?" he begged me, when he was filling out his forms to register for school.

Rachel loves Fruit Fresh, to sprinkle on her sliced apples when packing her lunch the night before. "THAT will be on my wedding registry," she announced.

 The Broadway touring show of  "My Fair Lady" came through our town recently.  When I was talking it up to the kids to see who wanted to go see the play with us, I told them about my college days. "I would come home from dates with Dad and sing, 'I Could've Danced All Night,’" I said dreamily. Lyrad added with a smile, "When I came home from dates with you, I would sing, 'Why Can't a Woman be More Like a Man?'"

A Teenager lost privileges for being rude and unhelpful. When I went to see her on my way to bed that night, she was still mad at me. When I said, "Good-night," to her, she glared at me and replied, "I reject that."

When A Teenager wanted to convince me to pay for a school t-shirt, she kept repeating, "It's easy! Just write a check."

Teenager #1 to Teenager #2, admiring what Teenager #2 was wearing: "That was SO nice of me to loan you those pants." (she was serious, which made it so funny to Lyrad and me)

I often tell Eliza that she should be in bed by 10 since she gets up at 5 a.m. for seminary. When I reminded Eliza one night to be quiet after 10:00 because it was late and I didn't want her to wake up anyone else, she replied, "10 o'clock is NOT late, even though you're trying to brainwash me that it IS."

A computer guy was installing internet in our Florida house as Lyrad put up the cuckoo clock. When we first heard the cuckoo, A Teenager looked surprised to hear the clock working and asked, "Is it because of the Wi-fi?”

When we talked about driving over a frog and I said it was gross, Josh saw the positive side of things: "A frog is like a facial for the tire. And a rock could be the exfoliator."  (can you tell he has teenage sisters?)

Once in FHE we tried memorizing the scripure about "See that ye love one another, cease to be covetous..." When I read "Cease to sleep longer than is needful," Josh (who hates to get up in the morning) called out, "You added that!" til I showed him it was really there.

At our ward parties, women and children always get to eat first. By the time the men eat, there are slim pickings. After we got home from a linger longer, I asked Lyrad if he got enough to eat and how he liked the “women and children eat first” rule. He smiled and replied, “When I’m bishop, it will go in order of BMI.” (body mass index)

This morning, Josh rode his bike along with us while Lyrad and I went jogging.  When we jogged down big hills, Josh coasted way ahead and waited for us to catch up.  After one particularly long wait, Josh watched us finally catch up to him and asked his slow parents in a bored voice, "Are you sure you're not my GRANDPARENTS?"

We're practicing "Stars are gleaming" in ward choir. I'm one of the pianists for it, and Rachel plays the flute for it, so we often get the song stuck in our heads after practicing it at home. One day I was singing it to myself and Josh sighed and sang his own version of it: "Too much singing, too much ringing, misery-bringing, badly singing. Stark and weak I hear it still."